Shaming vs positivity…
I once took a notepad around with me for a week and wrote down every time I got triggered.
When I felt upset, took something personally or had a thought that made me panic about the future.
The act of noting down the thought, feeling and what triggered me made me realise:
- Some of my triggers really don’t make a lot of sense.
- My most common emotion was guilt.
- Feeling guilty isn't always a good thing. It's not helping me as well as not making sense. Which means I can give myself permission not to take the emotion so seriously all the time.
Guilt and shame go hand in hand.
Guilt is temporary and shame is a constant state of guilt. So much so that you can start to see yourself as shameful or a bad person.
Unfortunately most of us think shaming ourselves will get the best out of us.
"If I make myself feel bad for not exercising or eating cookies, I will then get the body I want"
In this article I want to explain the importance of NOT using shame as your tac tic to get in shape & achieving more.
Shaming yourself is saying “I’m fat” or “I’ll give myself credit only when I get to the goal”.
You are basically saying to yourself you aren’t good enough.
Can we agree that that doesn’t help anyone build the confidence and courage to pursuit a goal?
If you do this, you might get some results.
But on the flip side you actually won’t go far.
You’ll associate so much pain and dissatisfaction with the process you won’t want to endure the process.
No wonder so many of us are impatient to our goal.
We hate the process so much that we want to just get to the goal ASAP.
Whereas if we embrace a mindset of, progression not perfection.
Seeing success and fitness as ongoing, unfolding chapters of wins.
You will:
- Be present in the process.
- Celebrate all the steppingstones of your progress.
- Change your relationship with pain/difficulty because you know that challenge goes hand in hand with change.
The less miserable the process the more work you'll want to do and the more enjoyable that will be which means even more results.
But if you see success as a finish line at some later date that you might not even be clear on.
You will:
- Be holding your breath until you get their which risks you not getting there.
- Put the finish line on a pedestal and see the process as an obstacle to where you want to be rather than something that’s connected to where you are going.
- Tell yourself you are inadequate because you aren’t where you want to be yet. Which makes you believe you don’t deserve your goal which doesn’t help you in getting to it.
This finish line mindset stems from Shame.
Shame motivates some people to start.
But more results doesn't get rid of our feelings of shame.
Which is what you truly want!
HERE’S THE IMPORTANT PART…
When we feel shameful, we end up self-soothing.
And how do most of us do that?
Food.
Drink.
Anything that makes us feel good quickly…
But I often feel an aftermath of guilt for eating something out of guilt.
It’s like a sandwich of guilt dopamine guilt.
When we embrace perspective which is what people are talking about when they say POSITIVITY.
Powerful changes happen. ✅
Positivity can’t be a lie.
We all know when we are lying to ourselves.
But the thing about perspective is,
There’s a hundred ways of looking at something.
Take one of your health or fitness goals for example.
It could be a…
Problem. (Negative)
Situation. (Neutral)
Opportunity. (Positive)
We choose which one it is by deciding if its an inconvenience or a chance to get something, to become something or experience something new.
So it's down to what we focus on!
Focus on what you can't do, what you don't have and what you don't like. How will you feel?
Focus on what you do want, what you do have access to and what you are enjoying. How will you feel?
Choose where to direct your focus 👌🏾
And if that’s too much positivity for you.
Why not just go with,
Neutral: It just is what it is.
I’ve got some weight to lose, that’s where I’m at. That’s ok and this is a part of life at some point which many people go through.
I may have eaten too much which got me here, so I'll cut back on the eating to get me back to where I want to be.
If you make it a problem, you are making it personal and a bigger deal than it needs to be.
Which then makes you up tight and frustrated before you even start.
And the bottom line is, people don’t achieve great things going into the unknown that way.
Studies show how much more brain capacity we have access to when we are in a relaxed state and present.
You can be relaxed and focused.
Vs being tense and over thinking.
So choose positivity over shame.
The bottom-line is shame doesn’t work for what you are using it for.
“If I shame myself I’ll teach myself to be better”.
Key questions to help you lose weight with the right mindset.
What form of exercise makes me feel good?
What good foods would I like to add more of into my diet?
What things am I eating that aren't making me feel good?
Why am I doing that and what can reduce that temptation...
If you want my help in getting you in great shape in a way to serve yourself rather than punish yourself.
Send me a message in the enquiry form.
I’d love to help 😊
